A Bird’s Eye View #497 – 31st May, 2017

Greetings one and all. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin… First, I must point out that almost everything below is true, probably around 99%. However, the whole truth is withheld because, as a wise Valley man known as Deekin’ once said, “If I told you the whole truth then you’d be as smart as me”… I like your thinkin,’ Deekin’…
Something that is true, but somewhat hard to believe, is the fact that one morning last week a used condom was discovered in a planter outside the A.V.A. office in the heart of Boonville! One of the obvious suspects, the A.V.A.’s Major Scaramella, has been ruled out as the person who deposited it there by local investigators essentially because, in his own words, “women don’t like me.” This is not strictly accurate but I know what he is saying… The other prime suspect, our Supreme Leader, Sir Bruce Anderson, a fine conversationalist and not an unhandsome man to certain members of the opposite sex I’m sure, is acting suspiciously pleased with himself and seeing him leap up the office steps after his rigorous morning workout in the parking lot I cannot help but think that further investigations as to the culprit are not necessary. All that remains of interest to the community is for the lucky (I have to assume) lady to reveal herself. After all, the prime suspect is a gentleman and will never kiss and tell… And on an equally disturbing note, related to the unsavory and mischievous hanky-panky in and around the A.V.A. offices, it is also true that small rogue marijuana plants are growing in a couple of the other, condom-free, planters at the edge of the parking lot at the front of that the same location… It’s all very odd and I think some explaining should be forthcoming…

Let’s move on to more edible aspects of Valley life – the Turkey Vulture’s update on ‘Evening Dining in the Valley’… In geographical order, as you travel through the Valley on Highway 128, here is the latest on ‘The Big Eight Eateries’… Lauren’s Restaurant sees Libby (of Libby’s Restaurant in Philo fame) as the Guest Chef every Monday evening from 5-9pm, while their regular hours remain Thursday-Sunday, 11.30am-2.30pm for lunch, and dinner on Tuesday-Saturday, 5-9pm… Lizbby’s, the Mexican Restaurant in downtown Boonville, can be enjoyed Monday to Saturday from 10am-9pm, serving breakfast on Saturday, closed on Sunday… The Buckhorn is open on Saturdays and Sundays from 10am-Midnight, serving weekend brunch each day from 10am-3pm featuring Bloody Marys, Mimosas, Eggs Benedict, Pancakes, Biscuits & Gravy, and ‘healthy stuff’ like Jean’s Greek Yoghurt parfait served with muesli and fresh berries! They are open weekdays at 11am and are closed on Tuesdays… The Boonville Hotel continues with their family-style, prix fixe menu and have now expanded their hours to Thursday thru’ Monday evenings. They cook by reservation so call (707)-895-2210… The Q and Aquarelle, formerly Aquarelle Cafe and Wine Bar, has a new ‘Santa Maria BBQ’ menu, featuring ribs and chicken, added to their previous favorites. Open 4-8pm from Friday thru’ Taco Tuesday… The Redwood Drive-In just keeps on doing what they do, with reliable hours that everyone can remember and rely on (6am-8pm every day!) – don’t forget to try the donuts!… Stone and Embers in The Madrones is open from Noon to 8pm Friday-Sunday and Noon to 4pm on Monday and Tuesday… Finally, down in the Deep End, The Bewildered Pig is open Thursday-Saturday, 4:30-5.30pm Happy Hour, Supper served from 5.30-9pm, and then on Sunday 11.30am-7pm. You can check out all of their “insane!” offerings on their well-maintained Facebook page… And that’s it for now… Meanwhile, I encourage you all to eat, drink, and be merry at one of the above establishments whenever you can – remember ‘eating out is fun’…
Public Service Announcements (P.S.A.’s)… Calendars and pens at the ready… #546 – The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital visit the Valley on two Thursdays in June. They will be at the Anderson Valley Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo, from 2-3.30pm tomorrow, June 1 and then again in two weeks time, on June 15. To avoid a line perhaps turn up at around 3pm – you will definitely be seen. New customers and their pets are always welcome and previous visitors should be aware that they can call 462-8833 and the vets will bring your pet’s charts with them – making this an even better service than it already is!… #547 – Resuming their summer hours of 9.30am-Noon, the Boonville Farmers’ Market has settled in at their usual summer location at the Boonville Hotel parking lot generously donated each week by community-spirited hotelier J Schmitt. For more information, call Cindy at 895-2949… #548 – The next monthly Barn Sale at The Big Barn alongside the St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on A.V. Way, just north of Boonville, will take place on the weekend of Saturday/Sunday, June 10/11 from 9am to 3pm each day…#549 – The A.V. Lending Library run by The Unity Club is open Tuesdays from 1.30-4.30pm and Saturdays 2-4pm at The Fairgrounds in Boonville… #550 – The County Dump is open from 9am-4pm Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday. Dump Executive Director, Mike Mannix, rewards good customers with a star but will be very harsh with anyone thinking they can leave dead animals!…

As a bonus P.S.A. here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week in the Senior Center at the Veterans’ Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors… Tomorrow, Thursday, June 1, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew as always at Noon, will be Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes and gravy followed by Birthday Cupcakes… Then, next Tuesday, June 6, the lunch will feature Sesame Noodles with Chicken and for dessert you will be able to ‘Make Your Own Sundaes’! All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. What a deal – it maybe the best value for money you’ll get all week!… Meanwhile, on Tuesday and Thursday from 9-9.45am the Center offers ‘Young at Heart Exercise’ with Linda Boudoures and Karen DeFalco… Tai Chi is now available every Tuesday at 11am, while on Thursdays at 11am-Noon it is Kathy’s Easy-stretch Yoga class. Also on Thursdays, the Active Life Club runs from 10am to 2pm and features games, crafts, and music. The Senior Center/Community Bus goes to Ukiah on Monday’s and also Santa Rosa on the first Wednesday of the month. These trips fill up fast so don’t forget to sign up early at 489-1175… Hopefully you will be able to attend some of these events and certainly the lunches and dinners, and remember – ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there…
The Three-Dot Lounge, home of “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (yet surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, remains closed for reasons far too scandalous to share in such a family newspaper as this… I will say that it has nothing to do with the even more ‘scandalous’ events at the local school, continuing and disconcerting goings-on that you can no doubt read about elsewhere in this newspaper
Well that’s all for this week – I’m outta here as I’ve got see a man about a sheep…So, until we talk again: be careful out there; if you break a leg don’t come running to me; stay out of the ditches; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; show love to your pets, they will be faithful and true to you to the last beat of their hearts, and please remember to keep your windows cracked if you leave them in your vehicle for any amount of time; think good thoughts; ‘Keep the Faith’; try to not let life get in the way of living; may your god go with you, and may your dog go with you too… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture – saddened but ultimately comforted in the knowledge that the old hare has safely moved to his new burrow in the sky…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture9@gmail.com>
p.p.s. Hi, George – hope you and Sheila are well… Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?… Bobwhite Quail – keep up the knitting!

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