All Valley Blogs

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Well, once again I attended both evenings of the annual Variety Show this past weekend and, although I assume another roving reporter from the A.V.A. will be giving an extended review of events, I thought I’d offer some opinions from a ‘bird’s eye view’ - particularly as this year I saw every act following a personal record low of just two beer-breaks in the parking lot to keep me going, each time during the intermission.

Anyway, before I get to that, here are three very appropriate Quotes of the Week for your perusal… First we have the classic, ”Variety is the spice of life, that gives it all its flavor.” from novelist William Cowper… And how about “Variety is the soul of pleasure” from Irish writer Brendan Behan… And finally, my favorite, “So two cheers for democracy: one because it admits variety and two because it permits criticism.” said by that very wise fellow, E.M. Forster… Now let’s get on with it, and obviously these comments can only be offered in my own humble opinion, although perhaps a few of you will share them…

The 19^th annual show was hosted once again by the irrepressible Corporal Raindrop in his nineteen year-old tuxedo - oops, I’m only joking, Corporal - you looked very dapper; and besides, one of the show’s band members told me you had been promoted and were now called General Confusion - ha! ha! Of course, I am kidding the mighty impresario, Captain Rainbow, whose indefatigable efforts continue to result in this wonderful Valley event taking place year after year. In the role of Master/Mistress of Ceremonies, Rainbow was very ably assisted by Patty Liddy (a.k.a. Private Thundercloud) with her sexy boots, red fishnets, a ‘leave-little-to-the-imagination’ black strapless dress, red feather boa, and loud voice! Behind the scenes, these two had the wonderful support of the often-unsung band of merry pranksters, whose tireless efforts cannot and should not be underestimated. Tom Smith, Bill Meyers, Jonesey, Mark Pitner, Karen Bailey, and so many more, were all deservedly mentioned and thanked by Rainbow and Patty during each evening.

At the Friday night show, a packed house of over four hundred (416) people witnessed twenty acts of varying degrees of ‘talent’ and ‘entertainment value’, which is what the Variety Show is all about and therefore, in a community sense, it should all be viewed as good. In terms of the two aforementioned criteria, my Top Five acts, in no particular order, were: Rachel Juster’s soulful rendition of a Rihanna song; Kendall’s stunning display on the hanging silks that was greeted by the evening’s loudest roar of approval; Comptche’s own Johnny Blanco singing a very mellow and heartwarming song entitled ‘Quality Time’; the amusing and melodic Ukeholics offering their unique version of the Bing Crosby tune, ‘I’m an Old Cowhand from the Rio Grand’; and Julianne, who sang mournfully and yet very amusingly about her ‘loss’ of The Boonville Lodge. I know Julianne to be an enthusiastic customer at the Valley’s excellent but recently closed drinking and eating establishment, and she came up with a catchy song (‘I Miss the Lodge’) and poignantly hilarious performance. I must say, however, that the song’s hyperbole seemed to confirm opinions of The Lodge which are still held by some in the audience; views which over the last few years had become out-of-date myths. Regular readers will know that I had to mention this strange yet true fact… But I digress…

‘Honorable Mentions’ for their performances on Friday should go to Linda Boudoures’ dance troupe of seniors (‘Young at Heart’) for their rigorous Michael Jackson tribute; to the Itsy-Bitsy Ballerinas led by the extremely gifted dancer, Noe Klein; and to the always accomplished sounds of the Blushin’ Roulettes.

A further twenty acts appeared on the following evening before a crowd of similar proportions (401) and once more the opening skit, centered around the health care issue, was carried out with great precision by the ‘actors’ and to the hilarity of the audience – nothing like a colonoscopy to get the crowd going, eh? As on Friday, in terms of talent and entertainment value on the Turkey Vulture scale, the range between excellent and ‘not excellent’ was repeated. I must emphasize, this is what the event is all about – a show ‘by the people, for the people’ and a great Valley night out…My personal Top Five Acts on this night (in no particular order): The breathtaking back-to-back performances on the hanging silks by the dazzling Holly and her son Kai Newstead; charming ten year-old Riley Lemons on guitar and singing a song for her great-grandfather, Chuck Hafley, and grandparents in general; Noe Klein’s return to the stage with two other equally gifted young women from the Mendocino College Repertory Company Ballet; the excellently choreographed and very ‘athletic’ Bollywood Dancers from Sebastopol performing a mesmerizing Indian dance; and of course a Variety Show regular (and she’s still only fifteen), the very talented singer, Olivia Allen, with her splendid performance of an Abba tune…

Honorable Mentions on this occasion go to The Brownouts (back again following the big success of their ‘Hoo Hoo’ song last year) with their Mendocino ‘brownies and mushrooms’ song, and to the final act of the night, from Ft. Bragg – Inspyred Fyre, and their stunning visual display performed to a deafening techno beat – I hope the Seniors in the front row survived!… Following the Saturday night show during the After Glow Party at Lauren’s Restaurant, I took a ‘scientific poll’ amongst the show’s crew and objective audience members on which was the better night of the two in terms of entertainment. It came out 14-8 in favor of the Saturday. Either way, the two evenings were a big success and I even won a side bet that the show would be done before 10.30pm on both nights! So it’s a congratulatory ‘Well done to all!’ and we look forward to seeing many of you again next year, and hopefully several new acts too…

Not to be too critical but…I’m afraid there were a couple of things which unsettled the audience during the Friday show. Firstly Farmer John managed to ruin his quite promising calf-milking rap performance when his ill-advised choice of word showed a lack of propriety at such an event – providing quite a talking point in the intermission. It wasn’t clever or funny; it was insensitive and crude, and many people were perturbed. Secondly, perhaps a further ill-advised move was the decision to present an act that blatantly campaigned in favor of the upcoming school bond issue, using a few school kids to do the politicking. Whether you agree with the bond or not, and as a matter of fact I probably do, one cannot help but wonder if this was the right time and place. Again some people were ‘not amused’….

O.K., I’ll get my coat and leave… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… How about we start with the Public Service Announcements? #131 - I am told that Variety Show tickets are available at Lemons’ Market in Philo and All that Good Stuff in Boonville, as well as on the night at the door at the Grange. Get there early as the performances will begin promptly at 7pm on both Friday and Saturday, March 5^th and 6^th… #132 – The St. Patrick’s Dinner and Dance at the Elk Community Center is on Saturday March 13^th. Call Gloria at 895-3071 for details; the Senior Center Dinner celebrating the same event is the following week at the Apple Hall in Boonville. Call Gina at 895-3609… #133 – An early heads-up that the first Barn Sale of the year at The Big Barn in Boonville is scheduled for the weekend of March 27^th and 28^th – it’s never to early to plan for bargains and burgers is it?…

I attended the Senior Center Dinner last Tuesday evening and joined a very good turnout of about forty people, including many seniors and their friends and relatives. Pastor Bill Nobles cooked a chicken fried steak dinner from his throne on a bar stool and Gloria Abbot once again produced a splendid salad bar and dessert. It was a most enjoyable evening and all that was missing was an always-popular bingo session!?

And before we leave the subject of our senior citizens, perhaps we should have the Quote of the Week connected to them… This bit of wisdom about aging comes from Glenda Jackson, a two-time Best Actress Oscar winner, for ‘Women in Love’ (1969) and ‘A Touch of Class’ (1973), and now a member of the British Parliament, who said, “I look forward to growing old and wise and audacious.” She’ll fit right in with the Senior ‘Gang’ in Anderson Valley then!

Moving quickly on to the current topics under the spotlight this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’… First up there were in-depth discussions about ‘chickens and eggs’ at the high school – let me explain…

… I remember well this time last year when several 3-Dot regulars were very disappointed to hear that the High School Public Speaking event, sponsored and organized by The Lions Club, attracted just one student, despite several saying they would attend. There are cash prizes even at this level and big prize money is offered to students who progress to state finals, not to mention the many character-building benefits to the students that practice for, and compete in, such an event. Apart from that, the Lions’ voluntarily make efforts to put the event together in the first place. Unfortunately, and I don’t think this was mentioned in the ‘School News’ column, those same regulars are now extremely perplexed because at this year’s event, held last week, not a single student from the school showed up!… In the opinion of many, this was simply not good enough. What happened? Why did they ‘chicken’ out? I think we should be told…

… I know I have mentioned this many times but now a couple of 3-Dot regulars have also experienced the freshly laid eggs from Beth Swehla’s Ag Department at the high school – and they are raving about them. These eggs are truly delicious and look and taste like real eggs. Remember those? A simple soft-boiled egg in an eggcup hasn’t tasted this good in a very long time and at $3.50 a dozen I urge you to take advantage of this wonderful deal. Trust me on this; you can thank me later… And that completes your ‘chickens and eggs’ at the high school explanation…

… Moving on… Gloria Ross, now officially titled The Pope-ette of Anderson Valley for her efforts to raise money for the new Catholic Church, swung by The 3-Dot the other day and informed us that the recent Crab Feed raised well over $6,000, the 2^nd highest amount ever in the eight-year history of this great Valley event… She is hopeful that if one or two more equally successful ‘Feeds’ can be put together then soon thereafter groundbreaking on the new church might begin in the field alongside Hwy 128 next to the Barn Sale Building. I can only hope for something in the fall from this Mistress of the Big Feed and her wonderful crew of volunteers. Dare I say Mexican Feed? Claws crossed…

… It would appear that the signs are good for Deputy Walker to get a canine friend to help him solve the crimes and keep the peace around these parts. Needing local funds to add to those provided by the County, I am quietly confident that these will be forthcoming from various events to be held over the next few months. Knowing the Deputy to be a true dog person, and having found him to be a very positive community asset as a deputy sheriff, I have no doubts that this is a win/win/win situation for Walker, the Community, and his/our Dog!…

Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.p.s. Alex Champion of Gschwend Road, Philo, is a Senior Citizen.

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin…First an update from the world of higher education – A.V.H.S. alum, Cassidy Hollinger, currently a freshwoman at the illustrious Vassar College in upstate New York, is to play a vital role in her college’s production of ‘Bulrusher’, a play written by Eisa Davis, the niece of sixties political activist Angela Davis and a part-time A.V. resident. The Pulitzer Prize-nominated drama, believe it or not, is centered upon an illegitimate African American girl in the Anderson Valley of 1955 – ‘bulrusher’, for those who are not aware, being the Boontling word for bastard. A total coincidence, of course, but undoubtedly one to which the talented Ms. Hollinger will bring not only her wide array of talents but also plenty of first hand knowledge (of Boonville that is, not of bastards)…

Next up, here’s a couple of Public Service Announcements… #67 – The Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back in the Valley tomorrow, Feb 25^th, from 2pm to 3.30pm at the A.V. Farm Supply – save yourself a trip over the hill while supporting a very useful service…#68 – The HazMat (Hazardous Materials) vehicle is at The Fairgrounds parking lot in Boonville on both Saturday and Sunday (Feb 27^th and 28^th) and you are encouraged to drop off those ‘things’ that are not accepted at The County Dump. Note that dead animals, as with the Dump, are not accepted here either, so just drag them off to a corner of your property and leave them to be dealt with swiftly by us Turkey Vultures - nature’s finest garbage collectors bar none…

Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’…

… The end of the reign of ‘King’ Ken Allen is drawing near. The A.V. Brewery Owner and Supreme Leader is currently in escrow with potential new owners who are very keen to take over his operation. Rumor has it that Ken may be out of the Valley by summertime at the latest. Meanwhile, if anyone has similar feelings at his departure to those they had when Richard Nixon left the White House, it is completely understandable. These are two Machiavellian characters, yet each left their stage with nearly as many supporters as detractors - it’s a funny old world, isn’t it?…

… On a somewhat related note, and to clear up some recent rumors, the co-owner of both “The Boonville Lodge” name and its liquor license holder, Tom Towey, assures me that, if and when he does sell the license and name, he will be doing his very best to keep them in the Valley. Knowing Tom to be a man of his word, I therefore do see perhaps a glimmer of hope for the social scene on the distant horizon…

…Until then, the rampant rumors about the replacement for The Lodge at the now vacant spot in downtown Boonville continue with the latest suggesting a Mexican cantina with a beer and wine license. Now that’s something I’m really not sure about; after all it’s not likely to serve chicken fried steak and real mashed potatoes with a pint of ale is it? Don’t get me wrong; as the Valley’s demographics continue to rapidly change, I’m sure the return of a Mexican bar is imminent (there was one, ‘Mary Jane’s’, many years ago at what is now Lauren’s Restaurant). Furthermore, readers of this column will be aware that as a big fan of the super chicken burrito and a Corona or a carnitas plate with a bottle of Pacifico, I would no doubt be a regular customer at such a bar. But in the meantime, many Valley folks agree that surely there is still a strong need for a traditional American bar and grill of some sort around here… Claws crossed…

… An error was made here last week when it was stated that the high school football team continues to play in black and gold/yellow. They did so for about a decade but thanks to generous contributions by the alumni, this past fall season they were able to revert to brown and gold/yellow, thus joining the baseball team in wearing the traditional school colors… Next up? Hopefully the soccer boys and volleyball girls…

Having earlier mentioned former President Richard Nixon perhaps we should turn to him for the Quote of the Week. It was Tricky Dicky who said, “When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal”… Or this classic, after he had lost the election for Governor of California in 1962, a full twelve years before he was to resign as President, “You won’t have Nixon to kick around any more because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference”…If only…

Well now I think it’s time to take my… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net>

p.p.s. Dave Johnson, owner of the location formerly known as The Boonville Lodge, does not live in the Valley. Some might say that at this point in time he is wise not to do so.

p.p.p.s Two mentions of Richard Nixon in one column. That alone is worth your dollar, I’d say…

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Let’s go straight to The Whine of the Week – I was disappointed to miss the Sweethearts Dance on Saturday at The Grange to raise money for the A.V. Health Center – I hear it went very well… This ‘whine’ is offset by the fact that the reason I was unable to attend was that with my birthday on the 14^th (the next day), Hummingbird had prepared a special evening at home featuring Chicken Cacciatore in roasted garlic tomato sauce over pasta, along with a delicious bottle of the 2007 Pinot Noir from Toulouse Winery just north of Philo, followed by our own private ‘sweetheart dance’. This versatile Pinot paired with virtually any Italian dish is a must-try and that’s why it’s the Wine of the Week!

Talking of fine dining experiences, as I often do, I attended the Senior Center lunch last week and now understand what all the fuss is about. Despite a relatively low turnout I was nevertheless honored to find a seat at the ‘top table’ alongside Donna Reilly, Kyllikki ‘Kay’ Clark, Wilma Brink, Joy Frazer, June Lemons, Cleo Hixon, Frank Wyant, and the very friendly senior bus driver, Natalie Matson. Along with the good food, the conversation was lively and lots of fun for all, covering topics such as Valley life in the fifties, the wonderful fresh fish available at Lemons’ Market in Philo, and the fact that long-time center member Bobbie Peterson had moved to Ukiah. At $5 for non-seniors, it was no surprise that local bargain hunter Burton Segal was also in attendance as Pastor Bill and Gloria Abbott served up a delicious meal featuring Brunswick Stew and Gloria’s ‘world famous’ salad bar. The lunch takes place every Tuesday and Thursday at 12.15pm, with a special dinner served on the last Tuesday of each month at 6pm – it’s chicken fried steak etc on Feb 23^rd ($7 for non-seniors). I urge you to attend – trust me on this and thank me later!

And for a Quote of the Week what better comment on old age than that of J.F.K.’s Mother, Rose Kennedy, who said, “I am like aged wine. They don’t bring me out very often but when they do I am found to be well-preserved and fine company”… Well that’s certainly the case of those sitting at the ‘top table’ for our Senior Center lunches, I can assure you!

Moving on to a couple of frequently discussed topics at The Three-Dot Lounge these days – the lack of a bar in the Valley and the A.V. High School colors – both subjects that stir the passion in many, particularly the passionate…

… Many Valley folks have come to me over the past couple of months and commented that the owners of the Buckhorn Building (former home of The Buckhorn Saloon and The Highpockety Ox) could feasibly come to the Community’s ‘rescue’ as they have the perfect spot for a bar/restaurant. However, I am reliably informed that they are not ready to take the plunge in that direction at this point in time. That is their prerogative of course. One rumor has it that they are concerned about serving liquor in a place with a few steps outside for customers to negotiate. Hopefully this is not a deciding issue as I imagine hundreds, perhaps thousands, of bars deal with such a situation and operate without a problem; besides, the actual bar/restaurant owners are responsible for getting insurance on this, not the landlord. In time, the owners will perhaps come to see that such an establishment, if run by people who know what they are doing and allowed to operate under a fair and reasonable lease agreement, would be good for them and certainly beneficial to the Valley, providing the much-needed gathering place that so many crave. But I do wonder – “has someone talked them out of it?”…

… Just down the street, rumors abound with regards to what David ‘I’m not the devil’ Johnson plans to do at his ill-gotten (in the opinion of many) location formerly known as The Boonville Lodge. A couple of small tasting rooms for local wineries does not now seem likely – a very sensible decision, I must say. However, the latest I hear is for a beer and wine establishment to be installed in the main room with The Lumberjack Pizza guys returning to the restaurant section - the same location that they infrequently frequented when pretending to be in business there a couple of years ago. I couldn’t possibly comment further…

… As for the school colors, for almost its entire history these have been brown and gold/yellow. I am informed that in 1999 there was a vote taken among the senior class (student athletes who would wear the colors for one more year) and they decided to change to black and gold/yellow, greatly disappointing the vast majority of the alumni from the previous sixty years or so. The disappointment simmered over the years and has turned to a level of annoyance that sees rumblings taking place to resurrect the ‘real’ school colors. Coach Ben Anderson’s school baseball team now plays in the traditional brown and gold/yellow, as do the football Cubs - not actually a school team but one made-up of younger kids attending the school and run by A.V.H.S. alumni. However, the school football team still wears black and gold/yellow, whilst the soccer boys inexplicably wear black and white. The argument that the brown and gold/yellow are either difficult to get or are more expensive is spurious; in fact Lemons’ Philo Market currently has a line of wonderful Panther gear available in the traditional colors. Meanwhile, many of the regulars at The 3-Dot are A.V.H.S. alumni and don’t be surprised that, if and when they manage to re-form the Alumni Association, one of their first acts will be to take steps to ensure that the Panthers once again do ‘battle’ in the true A.V. colors - I’d drink to that (if there was anywhere to go and do so)…

Well, now I think it’s time to take my leave… Be careful out there, stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and, with the hot weather now with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle… May your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Well, they did it again! Yes folks, Gloria Ross, ‘The Bishop of Boonville’, and her team of volunteers put on a superb evening last Saturday for ‘The Original Crab Feed’ that benefits the St. Elizabeth Seton Church It will surely be hard to beat for the 2010 Best Valley Event Award. From the always delightful social hour, where everyone seems to know almost everyone else amongst a wide assortment of over three hundred Valley folks, to the excellent ‘Feed’ itself, ably complemented by some perfectly paired Valley wines from Esterlina Winery, thru’ the raffle expertly hosted by John Schultz, to the late bar (specifically arranged as there is nowhere else to go for a cocktail in the Valley these days) hosted by the smiling and efficient Danny Kuny and his Crew, the whole night was a rip-roaring success. I was driven home at 11pm with my five-year record of being the last guest to leave this event finally at an end, but it didn’t matter. The company, food, and drink, had all been first class and at the end of the day nothing else really matters at a social gathering, does it?

My personal highlights, apart from the delicious crab, steaming hot garlic bread, and zesty salad, would include the wonderful mix of Valley people (unlike at any other pure Valley event); the raucous chant of ‘We want Crab!’ by about a dozen guests that a certain person amongst them had started when he saw everyone else in the room eating and not a crab in sight for him and his friends; the stimulating and frequently light-hearted conversation (considering the subject matter) I enjoyed with Jesse Slotte and Ruben ‘Hopper’ Martinez (wounded veterans of Iraq and Vietnam respectively); the attentive wait-staff (apart from those first few anxious pre-crab minutes); Hummingbird winning the much sought-after prize of cuddly monkey and vase stuffed with biscotti; a never-before-seen voluptuous woman whispering breathlessly and suggestively to me as I stood around holding that same toy, ‘I love your monkey’; volunteer Bill Holcomb, having finally sat down and enjoyed his own crab feed, getting up once again to continue clearing stuff away; and Bill Teague announcing with pride, “This is fantastic - I grew up with most of these people, it’s just great!”. Yes, it certainly was a very special night and many thanks are extended to all who made it happen.

The next day it was Super Bowl Sunday – the only event that truly unites the national gaze in this country; it’s become a de facto national holiday in effect. Despite the usual excessive amount of ads for the U.S. Armed Forces and a highly inflammable anti-abortion one paid for by Focus on Family (despite C.B.S.’s claim that it has Super Bowl rules against ‘advocacy ads’), some of the ads were quite good and the game itself entertaining. With the New Orleans Saints claiming to be ‘America’s Team’ I was rooting for the Colts of Indianapolis and, for entertainment purposes only, had made a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ with several other ‘gentlemen’ that the Colts would win by at least six points. If you’ve just come out of your bunker, it finished 31-17 to the no-longer ‘Aints, who won their first title and cost me more than a little, if the truth be told.

Fresh from my ‘defeat’ at the Super Bowl, for a relevant Quote of the Week I offer these somewhat curmudgeonly words from a certain George Washington – “Gambling is the child of avarice, the brother of iniquity, and the father of mischief.” I can only assume from this that Mr. Washington must have had his money on the Colts!

Now to a Public Service Announcement near and dear to my heart… Cheryl Schrader and her small crew of volunteers continue to do a marvelous job with the Anderson Valley Animal Rescue and her exceptional offer to spay and neuter all cats and kittens will remain open until April 1^st. They are doing about 250 a month and by calling her at 895-3785 she will provide this important service FREE of charge. Please take her up on this and let’s take control of what is an increasingly serious issue. (I also have it on the best authority that Cheryl might also be able to help if it’s a dog you want to have spayed or neutered instead – call her). On a related topic, I am still surprised at how many dogs get out of their homes and are rescued/found only to be without tags and thus the whereabouts of their owners is difficult to find. I have mentioned this before but for about $8 (including free shipping) you can order a tag from the guys at www.tagxpress.com . By doing so you will have some peace of mind and it will certainly be to the relief of the person who finds your pet. Please trust me on this…

Moving quickly, and finally, on to the main topic under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge… We had a special guest at The 3-Dot this week when Barn Owl showed up and reminded us all to bring our sweethearts to The Sweetheart Dance at The Grange on Saturday, February 13^th. Catfish Jack and Friends will open the evening and Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys will follow with toe-tapping dance tunes. Tickets are $10 per person and the proceeds will go to support health care services at the Anderson Valley Health Center, where Barn Owl informs me that old folks, school kids, and even the occasional Turkey Vulture who has eaten too much crab, can get the health care they need…

I’m outta here - I have to see a man about a sheep… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… A brief column this week as I have had little time to get out and about having spent all weekend at the A.V. Film Festival being informed, enlightened, disturbed, annoyed, beguiled, absorbed, amused, and entertained – and all for the good cause of benefiting the old folks, the school kids, and the animals. Yer gotta like that!

Let’s get going with a couple of important of Public Service Announcements… # 127: As mentioned last week the Vets from Ukiah’s Mendocino Animal Hospital will be here tomorrow, Feb 4^th, at the Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm (and again on Feb 25^th)… #128: The Original Crab Feed, quite possibly the best Valley event of the year in my humble opinion, is at The Apple Hall in Boonville this Saturday, Feb 6^th – 6pm Social Hour, 7pm Dinner. Call Gloria (895-3071) for ticket details – they will sell out… #129: As of February 1^st, 2010, The Boonville Lodge was officially no more. The Valley does not have a bar…

With this last ‘Announcement’ in mind I have nothing more obvious to say for the Quite of the Week than to offer you the Italian proverb, “Big mouthfuls often choke.” David Johnson, electrician of Sonoma and landlord of the business formerly known as ‘The Boonville Lodge’, certainly seems to have taken a very big mouthful in this latest case of unbridled landlord greed…

Moving quickly on to a few questions that were posed this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, at a location known only to ‘those in the know’… Who is the guy who walks the dogs from the Animal Rescue along Hwy 128 and beyond? He does this in all weathers and I have never seen him without a smile on his face. He’s my hero… Who was the guy with a ‘stall’ at the Grange Craft Fair on Sunday who, with the use of blatant lies, tried to get free food and drink from the young schoolgirl volunteers working at the Film Festival concession stand inside? This jerk is not my hero… Has ‘King’ Ken Allen really sold the A.V. Brewery? Regulars at the 3-Dot tell me negotiations were stalled until he took himself out of the picture and, lo and behold, rational thinking was allowed to prosper and a deal has apparently been made. I think we should be told…

Moving on from The Three-Dot and the important questions being asked there, here are two more proposals that will certainly be on my manifesto when I run for the position of Mayor of Anderson Valley in 2020… 1. When people are asked a question about something of which they know nothing or very little, they should be encouraged to simply say, “I don’t know”. That is a fine, succinct answer and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time. Failure to do so and to drone on endlessly in an uninformed way will be met with the severest of penalties… 2. Chocolate Chip Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley or fines will be enforced, the proceeds of which will go to the Valley’s Christmas Tree Fund…

I’m outta here - I have to see a man about a sheep… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

p.p.s. Where the hell can a few buddies and myself get together for a drink around here?

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… The much-needed rains continue and it’s very, very muddy out there but so far life in the Valley has been relatively undisturbed, certainly compared to the Coast with its many power-outages. Keep your claws-crossed… Last Thursday, with Hwy 128 closed at each end (or thereabouts) I zoomed up over Hwy 253 in a bid to reach the outside world but as I reached the top of the grade the snow was falling quite heavily and sure enough traffic was down to one-lane as another slide had occurred. Despite causing difficult driving conditions, the plus side was that there were some wonderful wintry views that I took time to enjoy by stopping in a short turnout section. That was until a C.H.P. officer pulled up and sternly asked me what I was doing. He was not impressed with my explanation that I was simply enjoying the views of nature and he suggested strongly that I move along. I reluctantly complied. As I flew off, I couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t busy earning his money by preventing or solving a crime, and I certainly felt he had not ‘protected and served’ me in any way…

With this disappointing incident in mind I am reminded of the classic line by Irish poet, playwright, and novelist, Brendan Behan, who said, “I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn’t make it worse”… I would now add, ‘or a lovely moment that they could be so unnecessarily spoilt’. And that’s your Quote of the Week.

Now here’s a couple of early-ish heads-up in terms of Public Service Announcements… # 174: The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley at The Farm Supply twice this month – on Thursdays, Feb 4^th and 25^th from 2pm to 3.30pm each day – please support this great service and save yourself a trip over the hill at the same time… #175: ‘The Original Crab Feed’ is coming up next Saturday, February 6^th at the Apple Hall in Boonville. The uniquely wonderful social hour begins at 6pm, dinner will be served promptly at 7pm, and the unsurpassed raffle will follow. Call Gloria at 895-3071 for your tickets. They will sell out!

Moving quickly on to some of the topics under discussion and review this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, at a location known only to ‘those in the know’…

… Many regulars were talking about the upcoming A.V. Film Festival that will take place at The Grange over the upcoming weekend of Jan 29^th-31^st. They inform me that all proceeds will go to local good causes such as the Elder Home, the Animal Rescue, the A.V.H.S. Film Class, the Senior Center, and The Grange itself. Yer gotta like that – benefiting old people, animals, and kids! Lots of local stuff will be on view and much more…For more details and screening times check out www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org …

… I spotted a few more 3-Dot customers at the memorial for Bob Mathias held last Friday at the Apple Hall in Boonville. It was a very impressive turnout and the event was extremely well put together by Bob’s lovely family. A very fitting tribute to a man who had clearly lived life to the full and who had positively left his mark on the lives of many…

… The following day some of the same ‘suspects’ were gathered at Wellspring for the surprise party thrown by Jill Derwinski for her good friend, and owner of ‘All that Good Stuff’ store in Boonville, Leslie Hummel. It was an impressive turnout of over 150 Valley folks and Leslie had no idea it was to happen. Wine and food were in plentiful supply (I loved the satay chicken and had far more than my fair share) and mingling with so many familiar faces was a joy and something we need to do more often. Who’s sixty next week?

… Although some 3-Dot regulars teased me for missing the ‘Fries Special’ at Lauren’s Restaurant during Friday Happy Hour, 5pm – 6pm ($2 for a plate of these delicious award-winners), along with many revelers from Leslie’s Party I did make it down there on Saturday evening for the live music of The Blushin’ Roulettes. A good time was had by all and I managed to drink Lauren out of Guinness! However, I must say that the fries that mysteriously appeared before me on the bar did offset the blow somewhat.

Well now I think it’s time to take my leave… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… There will be no mention of The Boonville Lodge this week – I promise… So the rains finally have arrived in earnest. Let’s hope they can stick around for a while at least - as anyone living here in the Valley will tell you – ‘we need it.’ The run-off pond here at The Nest is about six feet deep and nowhere near the ten or eleven feet it usually is at this time. Now I know the mud will be annoying to those of us back in the woods or down the dirt roads, and the driving might require a little more care and attention, but let’s not complain. Well, I won’t if you won’t…

Meanwhile, I know I have mentioned this before but, having just devoured a large plate of locally produced bacon, sausages, and eggs, I feel that I must remind you that there are excellent pork products available from The Good Farmer on Ornbaun Road (Bay Creek Farm) and those ‘real and proper’ eggs (Safeway? Raley’s? – don’t make me laugh!) can be bought from Beth Swehla’s Agriculture Class at the High School. I strongly suggest you try this stuff out - trust me on this; you can thank me later…

Talking of food, as I like to do, I was in attendance at the Apple Hall in Boonville for the Crab Feed last Saturday evening. As usual, Gina and Eddie Pardini and their crew did a marvelous job and I had more crab than I thought was possible, along with many other Valley folks of all persuasions and backgrounds. Yes, our Crab Feeds certainly bring us all together for what are true ‘Valley events’ in the sense that they attract a wider range of people from our community than any other occasions I can think of. From Harold Hulbert on the door, to Ted Bennett behind the bar, to Rod Basehore ‘entertaining’ us on the microphone, to Ben Anderson’s high school baseball team serving up the goodies, and of course the hodge-podge of diners themselves. It really was a veritable melting pot of Valley people and I am already salivating at the thought of the next one – for both the socializing and the crab. That will be ‘The Original Crab Feed’ on Saturday, February 6^th at the same venue. Call Gloria at 895-3071 for your tickets.

It would now seem almost inappropriate to have a Quote of the Week on any topic other than food or eating, so here we go with a couple of classics… Here is former President George Bush Sr’s mild rant, “I do not like broccoli. And I’m the President of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli!” – we get it, George, we get it… And this splendid observation from 17^th century English diarist and wit, Samuel Pepys, “A good dinner and feasting never fails to reconcile everybody” - so if only The Lodge’s Landlord Dave Johnson had been at The Crab Feed then perhaps he might have - oh ‘sugar’, I’ve broken my promise… Sorry.

Here’s a couple of Public Service Announcements that I haven’t given out for a time… #121: Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, The A.V Museum is open from 1pm to 4pm at the little red schoolhouse building on Hwy 128 near to the Elementary School – ‘The best little Museum in the West’… #122: The County Dump is open from 9am – 4pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and at weekends. Remember, ‘No dead animals’, leave them to me and my buddies, please…

Finally this week, here’s two Valley Rules which regulars at The Three-Dot Lounge, my favorite gathering place in the Valley, would love to introduce if they could… I should point out that these are not necessarily my own opinions although they might be very close and could well form a part of my election manifesto when I run for Mayor…

… The wine in the Valley is good but we have enough. No more new vineyards are to be allowed. Enough already! Particularly if they were to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-it-all who assumes they can make wine just because he/she has made their millions in an entirely different expertise somewhere else. And certainly not if they reside in some far flung location, have never lived here, rarely visit, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit them in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on their head…

… Caltran workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even menacing for that matter, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time…

Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? O.K., I’ll get my coat and leave… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… As I walked around downtown Boonville’s “All that Good Stuff” store last week, looking for an appropriate birthday card for friend D’Ann Wallace, I overheard Lauren, of Lauren’s Restaurant fame, asking the store owner, Leslie Hummel, for the upcoming birthdays on Leslie’s Calendar. I joined in the conversation, welcomed or not, and found out that Leslie has a calendar full of Valley folks’ birthdays and people are welcome to see it and find out if anyone they know is about to have their special day. ‘What a lovely thing’, I thought and having been asked to divulge my own day of hatching, and seeing it added to The Birthday Calendar, I left the store feeling that this Valley is even nicer than before!

Talking of birthdays, there are many quotes that can be shared on the subject of birth but most of them are surprisingly gloomy and generally concentrate on birth being the first step towards death. However, I do like the Shakespeare classic, “When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools”, but perhaps my favorite is the line by old-time comedienne Gracie Allen who said, “When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half!” – and that, dear readers, is your Quote of the Week…

Here’s a few Public Service Announcements for you… #163: The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley at The Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, Jan 14th from 2pm to 3.30pm – please support this great service and save yourself a trip over the hill at the same time… #164: Lions Club meeting at The Grange on Monday, Jan 18^th at 7pm… #165: Grange Meeting at, strangely, The Grange on Tuesday, Jan 19^th at 7pm… #166: The Food and Craft Mart continues every Sunday at The Grange from 1pm to 3pm – as organizer Cindy (895-2949) will tell you, “if you grow it or make it, you can sell it”…

Moving quickly on to some of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’…

… Once again I must apologize for talking about The Boonville Lodge and the future of the building that is it’s home until the end of the month (although the business has closed down), but this is what the regulars are talking about. What is it to become? The rumors continue with the following contenders considered amongst the favorites - Landlord Dave Johnson’s own Bar (beer and wine only) – he’s not a popular man though… The return of the Lumberjack Pizza boys – hopefully for more than 17 hours a week this time… A Mexican Cantina – could work, could be a disaster… Or an empty space for the next two years – surely not another Highpockety Ox situation… Possibilities that are considered less likely at this point include - A two-room motel…A designer clothes boutique… A video games arcade… A McDonald’s franchise… Or a strip club / Gentlemen’s Lounge… No mention of a bank, or a pharmacy, or The Boonville Lodge suddenly rising from the dead – now wouldn’t that would be special?… Anyway, I just thought you should stay informed…

… Regulars tell me that the A.V. Film Festival banner has been raised outside the Grange in preparation for the big event at the end of the month – Jan 29^th-31^st. I am also told that all proceeds will go to local good causes such as the Elder Home, the Animal Rescue, the A.V.H.S. Film Class, the Senior Center, and The Grange. Yer gotta like that – old people, animals, and kids! Lots of local stuff will be on view and much more…Details at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org…

… With The Lodge, The Boonville Hotel, Alicia’s, and Libby’s all closed at the time of writing, look no further than Lauren’s for your dining pleasure. Actually you’ve got no choice really, but she and her staff always do a great job and she does have draft Guinness in a can. Oh, and don’t forget that her French fries did win the Turkey Vulture Best Fries Award for 2009!

… Rave reviews from amongst the regulars for last Friday’s Didgeridoo show at The Grange. I missed it because for me personally two minutes of that sound is one minute too many. However, many people love it (not just indigenous Australians) and Karen Bailey organized a very good evening at which, by all accounts, the performers did things with their instruments that you would not believe. I couldn’t possibly comment other than to say I must go next time…maybe…

Well now I think it’s time to take my leave, besides I have to see a man about a sheep… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

p.p.s. Shop locally – we all need it!

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin… Senior citizens and two-year old children, loggers and shepherds, chefs and caterers, journalists and hack writers, schoolteachers and A.V.H.S. alumni, brewers and winery owners, tasting room staff and waitresses, carpenters and bus drivers, social activists and socialites, sheriffs and scoundrels; Bloyd’s, Pardini’s, Burroughs’, Hiatt’s, and Walker’s; Okies, Arkies, Mexicans, and even a Hippy or two – all these and more were gathered at The Boonville Lodge for it’s final day of operation on Sunday after eighty-eight years of serving the Valley and its community. Quite a cross-section of Valley folk, I’d say, and all enjoying each other’s company at a place that some regard as a second home and all view as an excellent place to have a drink, eat classic American food, and share time with friends and loved ones. It’s gone, and all because of the greed of someone who clearly does not know the Valley and it’s people, and doesn’t even live here – and possibly shouldn’t try to at this point. Shame on you, David Johnson of Sonoma, absolute shame on you!

Let’s move to a far more palatable topic than ‘greedy bastards’… Many folks at various gatherings throughout the Valley last Thursday evening no doubt enjoyed a wonderful New Year’s Eve. The A.V.A.’s Bruce McEwen has probably reported on the event at The Boonville Lodge elsewhere in this week’s newspaper, although how anyone can drink that amount and still write I do not know – I kid the Brucester… Anyway, The Lodge did have a good crowd for it’s last big night of business. I had a great time with many friends and owner Tom Towey put on a fine spread of complimentary hors d’ouevres and welcomed many customers with a glass of delicious Moet & Chandon champagne as they arrived. At about 10pm I received a call from Hummingbird who had gone to Lauren’s Restaurant to see a few friends. She told me that there were ‘Lauren Fries’ being served with a beer so I was there in less than two minutes to see if this was true. It was and I enjoyed both immensely, along with the company I kept of course. Those who had attended the annual sushi party thrown by Bert Cohen (of Boont Berry Farm fame) began to show up at Lauren’s at around 11pm and the dance floor was soon packed with revelers gyrating to the sounds provided by the many talented musicians on stage. Elsewhere in the Valley, there were also significant gatherings at Wellspring and Susan Sullivan’s house, whilst most of our Mexican brethren celebrated at their homes. I am well aware that many in the Valley talk of the ‘melting pot’ of people that exists here in the Valley but, as I have observed many times, when it comes to significant celebrations the three main segments of our community, with some exceptions obviously, generally celebrate amongst ‘their own.’ The Old Families and A.V.H.S. Alumni (1965-2005) at The Lodge; The socially active/politically correct Over-45’s at Lauren’s with their Under-45 ‘brothers and sisters’ down the road at the Sushi Party; and the Mexican community who generally remain at home to celebrate. This is absolutely fine of course, and not something to be denied by those who would have you think we are all one big family hanging out together. We often do all work together; sometimes ‘play’ together – The Lodge’s last day for example; and then frequently do our own thing within our own ‘scene’. And you know what? - It’s all good…

Well that’s enough ‘A.V. Sociology 101’ for this week, let’s get to the Public Service Announcements - Crab Section: I know many of you will be keen to attend one or both of the upcoming Crab Feeds here in the Valley. Both will take place at The Apple Hall in downtown Boonville with the first one, The Senior Center Crab Feed, happening on Saturday, January 16^th, social time at 5.30pm, dinner at 6pm - contact Gina Pardini at 895-3609. The second Feed is ‘The Original’ Crab Feed, this year on February 6^th, with the social hour at 6pm, dinner at 7pm, and raffle to follow - contact Gloria Ross (895-3071), Eva Holcomb, or John Schultz.

Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge… Well, those at The 3-Dot took a vow of silence this week in sympathy for the loss of The Boonville Lodge, so I have nothing to report from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’…

In fact I think it’s time to take my leave - I have to see a man about a sheep… Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net